02.09.03 - 03:31
i reconsider.
the people that i enjoy are real and a very vibrant part of my life. they make situations more alive than i would imagine. being here means having these friends.
that is not a bad thing at all.
and regardless of whether i ever get her, i will always have her. as a friend. i know that she thinks i'm intelligent and beautiful and funny and maybe that'll have to be enough. there are other worthwhile people that are interested in me, if only i'd knock a few bricks out of my wall.
the funny thing is, this revelation was delivered to me by the one person that i desire. "all of my friends who meet you think that you're really hot.." right, i think. then she starts to list them and it's really startling for me to hear this... because.. well, it's me.
and my friends are right. i have gotten five warm bodies in the past week and a half. that's a whole lot of bodies. who knows what the coming weeks will bring.
and to think, february is the month that i despise the most yet it's the one where i've gotten the most ass. very weird. i wonder what this portends for the rest of the year. i also like being sober when i write.
i like being able to have fun while sober and lately it's like i'd forgotten that i could. so i'm glad that tonight we could all sit in yorkside with our pizza and french fries and laugh and sing without even thinking about alcohol or weed. that's a very positive thing that i need to seek out on a more regular basis.
one final note: i didn't say hi to the girl i hooked up with last night, although i saw her at the dance show. does this mean i'm bad?
