08.14.03 - 00:57
i was always one of those kids that secretly longed for drama to grace her life with a little bit of its foreign flavor. from my perspective everything seemed to be deadly boring. my friends' neuroses seemed to be terribly attractive in comparison to my own trouble-free life.
chemical imbalances. contact with the tragic. abuse. neglect. divorce. death. anything to make life less mundane.
when i managed to let go of my strange desires for misfortune i found that i had it in abundance.
death has found its way to me more than once but has yet to touch me. that is one lightless visitor without means to move me. i have issues with death that will remain unresolved for as long as i can manage.
the threat of divorce was there but i never noticed it. now i think my parents interact peacably and are just too old to try anything so radically life-altering.
and, oh, the chemical imbalances. i cannot muster the energy to talk extensively about this right now but there will be time later. these thoughts linger in my mind whenever i become too complacent. i should just learn to limit my desires to pleasant things.
